Foreigner’s Mick Jones wrote “Feels Like the First Time” to capture a personal and transformative period in his life that involved a new beginning, both romantically and professionally. On the personal side, the lyrics reflect the excitement of starting a new relationship and remarrying. Jones described the experience as a “challenge of really going for a new start in my life.”
I include it here because of the intensity one feels during the love bombing phase of a relationship, especially with a covert narcissist. The love bombing phase of a covert narcissist is intense because it is a calculated, high-stakes, and often unconscious strategy designed to create an immediate, addictive, and controlling bond. Unlike overt narcissists who may use grand material gestures, covert narcissists use intense emotional, psychological, and “soulmate” validation to mirror your desires and hook you quickly.
The intensity stems from the following psychological and manipulative factors:
1. Rapid Creation of Dependence
The primary goal is to foster a deep, fast emotional connection that makes you dependent on them for validation. By overwhelming you with affection, they bypass your natural filters and boundaries, making you feel “seen” and adored like never before.
2. High-Level “Mirroring”
Covert narcissists are experts at studying their targets. During the love-bombing phase, they reflect your deepest desires, interests, and values back to you, creating an illusion of a perfect match. This “mirroring” makes you feel that you have met a “soulmate” or “kindred spirit,” accelerating the bonding process.
3. “Future Faking”
They create a false sense of security by talking about a shared future—marriage, children, trips, moving in together—very early on. This makes you feel secure, committed, and invested, while they use it to manipulate you into skipping normal relationship development stages.
4. Feigned Vulnerability
Unlike overt narcissists, covert narcissists often use “vulnerability” to win you over. They may share tragic stories or traumatic experiences early on to trigger your empathy and make you feel protective of them. This creates a false, intense intimacy.
5. Addiction-Like Brain Chemistry
The intense, romantic, and sexual, or highly supportive, nature of the love bombing triggers neurochemicals (dopamine) in your brain that create a “high” similar to addiction. This makes the relationship feel exhilarating and, subsequently, very hard to leave once the devaluation starts.
6. Securing “Narcissistic Supply”
Narcissists need constant admiration and validation to maintain their own fragile self-esteem. The love-bombing phase is an investment to secure a reliable source of this attention. They “over-invest” in you initially to ensure they can later “withdraw” your self-worth.
7. Overriding Boundaries
The intensity is designed to push past your boundaries before you recognize they are being broken. If you try to slow down the pace, they may become passive-aggressive, guilt-trip you, or increase the affection to pull you back in, making you feel like you owe them.
Summary of the Shift:
The intense phase is temporary and ends abruptly when they feel secure in your attachment. It is immediately followed by a “180-degree” change in behavior—devaluation and silent treatment—which leaves you desperate to return to the high of the initial love-bombing phase.