As much as I would love to post a picture of my covert narcissist and say “This is what evil looks like”, it wouldn’t be appropriate and would probably only result in a letter from her attorney. However, what I can do is share the letter I received the morning of my flight back home. Keep in mind, that the allegations that she claims were a week before receiving this letter. Also, keep in mind, that she waited an additional day after I returned home to file for an order of protection. It sort of begs the question, “If you were in so much danger, why weren’t you down at family court the day he left?” Why, because the order of protection was just another escalation tactic to gain back control that followed a series of other actions taken that started with the silent treatment.
So, here you go…
“When you arrive at the house, back from your vacation, I won’t be here. I’ve left and have taken some of my personal belongings with me. I can’t live with you and endure any more of your abuse. Your 3:50 am verbal and physical assault on me Tuesday has made me realize that It is not safe for me to stay.
Initially, I moved your clothes to the spare bedroom, hoping that it might be possible for me to continue living in our home with my dogs, as long as we weren’t sharing a bedroom. But looking at the pattern you present, I realize this could never work. It would only leave me in greater danger.
Despite all the marriage counseling, which didn’t lead anywhere, and my attempts to simply avoid you as much as possible and avoid asking you for anything or expecting anything of you; nothing seems to have helped with your anger issues, and the frightening outbursts directed at me are becoming increasingly worse.
My only option is moving out of our home in order to protect my safety. I can no longer be subjected to your anger, suffer your hateful verbal abuse, be cornered by you, and prevented from leaving or calling for help. It was horrifying when you woke me from a deep sleep at 3:50am in the morning on July 23rd, by screaming in my face, calling me despicable names, and grabbing my phone from my hand when I tried to call for help. And being cornered and blocked while you continued to scream at me, and seemed to enjoy doing everything you could to intimidate and terrorize me.
I am sick to my stomach that under these circumstances you have forced on me, I cannot take the dogs. They are my world. I’ve had to move quickly and can’t bring four dogs with me. As soon as I secure myself a new home where I can have the dogs, I plan to take them. I am praying that you don’t hurt them and will make every effort to take care of them the way they deserve.
It is clear that separating is something that will be best for both of us, but without question, is something that I need to do for myself. I am consulting with a lawyer to determine the best path forward, and we will have more conversations in the future.“
I sound like a pretty evil person, don’t I? After all, who randomly wakes up their spouse at 3:50am and just starts screaming in their face, calling them despicable names, etc. etc. etc. You will note that she doesn’t really explain the “assault” part.
What Really Happened?
Our oldest dog woke me up early in the morning because he had to go out. I took him outside (I am guessing around 3:50am) and when I returned inside, I saw that my flights were canceled. I booked new flights for the following day, which then required me to enter an anti-fraud code that was sent to my covert narcissists phone. I woke her up, she unlocked the phone, and I took it to the office so I can finish the purchase. While entering the code, she started screaming about returning her phone, which I did, literally minutes later. She was either asleep or pretended to be asleep, so I put the phone on the charger and went back to bed. That’s it. It does raise one serious question though..
What was on that phone that made her suddenly start screaming about wanting her phone back? I honestly don’t know. Unlike her, I didn’t keep my phone, e-mail, texts, locked up and under constant watch. My world was an open book to her. Hers to me, not so much.
I could go into all kinds of details about how her version of events makes no sense. This would include receipts I had about the airline ticket purchase, receipts for vehicle maintenance, external security camera footage of both of us coming and going from our home, yet at no time did she attempt to escape or call for help at any time, but that’s not the point. As you can imagine, the order of protection arrived a few days after my return, compliments of the NY State Family Court System. The evidence? None. Just the letter you see above and her filling out some paperwork. It took five months to fight it and get her to a point where she withdrew with prejudice. The outcome was inevitable because its pretty difficult to prove something that simply did not occur, and her attorney knew this.
Four Dogs, Down to Three Dogs…
This is how I found out about my English Setter, Slater. No text, no notifications, nothing. Just a filing in some divorce papers. I suspect she put him down in September based on a credit card statement I obtained through discovery. Can anybody justify doing such a thing?
“The parties own the following companion animals (dogs): “Brody” (English Setter); “Twiggy” (mixed breed); and “Violet” (mixed breed). The Defendant wishes to continue to retain the dogs and that they be her sole and separate property.”
Again, the only thing that comes to my mind is pure evil. Slater deserved better than this. I lost the opportunity to spend time with my English setter as I was busy fighting a fraudulent order of protection. Pathetic.
So, What is the Point?
The point is that this is an example of what a covert narcissist will do when they exhibit narcissistic rage. Every bit of that letter is fabricated and delusional. Believe me, withdrawn with prejudice means she can no longer resurrect it. If there were any truth to it, I could acknowledge it here and now without any fear of repercussions. Instead, I will stick to my truth, which is the only true and accurate account of what happened that evening. Still, my covert narcissist sticks to her story, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that says otherwise. And her story is what she tells all of her flying monkeys. All except the one that ratted out on her recently and reached out to me telling me that her story doesn’t make sense to them. They were even kind enough to give me evidence that they thought might be of value, but it wasn’t necessary.
Think about the fact that this is somebody that I was married to for 14 years. We were together 17 years. Throughout our time together, I have never, nor would I ever do anything that would resemble what she has alleged. Yet, with a blink of the eye, she had no problems doing these things. And think about it, these things required deliberate thought and effort. You don’t just run down to family court on a whim. You don’t just decide “today is a good day to put down my husbands dog.” These are evil acts and the acts of a person that has no moral compass.
There is no amount of love, empathy, or compassion that you can give to a narcissist that will change them. They fundamentally think of us as objects. We are no different then the table lamp or the sofa. We are there to be used until discarded. The have no empathy or remorse for their actions. Quite honestly, she may say that the dogs are “her world”, they aren’t. They are objects too. How do I know this? Because at one point she messaged me and was more than willing to give them up if I took the house. Sound worldly to you? Even better, she could have very easily have taken the dogs to her daughters house, who has a fenced in yard. Instead, she left them at the house, where according to her, they were in danger. OR, they really weren’t in danger, and she knew it. Nor was she. Otherwise she would have acted sooner, and in a way that a truly abused person would. No, it was all manipulation to get back control. What makes her sick to her stomach is nothing but a facade. What makes me sick to my stomach is that somebody would do those things to another human being.
A similar future holds true for anyone that decides to stay with a covert narcissist. I can guarantee it. That is always why it is best to discard, before being discarded; and that is exactly what I did. My answer to all of this was to file for divorce. There is simply no way to undo what she has done. No amount of apologizing or throwing herself on the sword can atone for doing unspeakable acts of evil on somebody that loved and provided as I did.
It’s an important topic. That is why I am willing to share the raw and unfiltered truth about covert narcissists.
Don’t let this happen to you...