Narcissists, by their nature are adept at manipulation and control. This makes perfect sense as it is fundamental to their survival. Gaslighting, mirroring, projection, and triangulation are among the many tools in their tool belt that they use to not only manipulate their victims, but also to conduct smear campaigns against their victims. An especially fun one is convincing others that the very victim that they preyed upon is actually the narcissist. I know this because my covert narcissist went so far as to try and convince my best friend of 36 years that I was a monster behind closed doors. I would imagine that similar claims exist on her social media, especially knowing that she is well aware of the presence of my blog and Quora. Due to her inability to control my story, all she can do is claim a smear campaign without any facts to support her claim.
Therein lies the fundamental problem that narcissists have no answer for; “the inconvenient truth.” The inconvenient truth will get them every time because by their nature, they don’t think things through; nor plan with any precision. A skilled attorney will leverage every bit of the inconvenient truth, time and time again. If they have full awareness of the narcissism and specialize in that area, even better. Why? Because narcissists are very simple people at their core and their propensity to act without thinking or understanding consequences is one of their vulnerabilities that gives your attorney a very powerful edge. Let’s not forget that your narcissist more than likely has not advertised their narcissism to their attorney, making it very difficult for the attorney to adequately represent them because the narcissists behaviors are often not in their own best interests.
Let me be clear, taking on a narcissist isn’t a walk through the park by any means. This is especially true when you are dealing with narcissistic rage; or if your narcissist has moved to the realm of now being a malignant narcissist. When these are part of the overall picture, your narcissist will drag things out and make you divorcing them an arduous process. This is exactly what my covert narcissist is doing. However, in the end, it doesn’t matter as their behaviors will have no impact on the outcome; whereas the inconvenient truth will.
Why My Covert Narcissist Fails Again and Again
The simplest of answers as to why my covert narcissist fails again and again in court is because she lies and gets caught. Minimally, she raises significant doubts about her integrity. The order of protection she pulled in the family courts is a great example. Sure, the family court gave her an initial benefit of the doubt. However, she would eventually have to contend with facts. Those facts are what eventually required her to withdraw her order of protection with prejudice. There were simply too many facts that existed to refute her claims.
Similarly, as we navigate the waters of divorce, the inconvenient facts about her commingling of marital assets; that she doesn’t just “get the house”; and the laws about health insurance, are unavoidable facts about the already known outcome of our divorce. She may not like them, thus they are inconvenient. However, the outcome will be the outcome. Don’t want to allow me to get my personal property? No problem, I’ll get a court order. Don’t want to let me into the home that I am legally allowed to be in? No problem, another court order. Want to play games over the taxes? Another court order. I am not sure why she thinks this is a good long term strategy, especially if our divorce needs to go to trial (before the same justice dealing with these petty issues); but I am more than willing to hand her as much rope as she needs. Again, the outcome has been known from the very beginning. As my attorney stated, “it’s just numbers.”
The Inevitable Truth
The inevitable truth is that my covert narcissists life will forever be changed as a result of this divorce, as will mine. The difference with me is that I have already rebuilt my life and have successfully transitioned into that new life. The biggest contributor to that success is my ability to let go and recognize that better things are ahead. The house, furniture, and other belongings can be replaced. On the other hand, her inevitable truth will more than likely include the need to seek employment, minimally for health benefits. She will also have to contend with maintaining the household on her own, not an easy task. And as much as she may try to seek and gain new supply, the question as to what she really offers comes to mind? Not much that a gentleman seeking a new relationship would find attractive, although I did at the time.