Predictable…that is the one word that comes to mind when I reflect back on my ordeal with my covert narcissist. Although I did not know when she would erupt in narcissistic rage, it was still predictable. As much as narcissists are rumored to be a force to reckon with in court, my experience has been otherwise. Do they want to fight and hold onto every bit of control they can keep? Yes, my covert narcissist fought over whether I could take ownership of my own mobile number. Yes, there are the smear campaigns. Similar to her ex-husband, I am sure she has a nickname just for me. However, what goes on outside the courtroom is far different then within the court room. In the courtroom, they are forced to contend with facts. I’ll even go so far as to say they have to contend with the fact that the court takes back the control on your behalf, something the narcissist despises.
Throughout this process, my counsel and my support network have been truly amazing. We have always managed to stay several steps in front of my covert narcissist. One close friend has reminded me that it has always been “checkmate in three” with my covert narcissist. My covert narcissist has been her own worst enemy with unrealistic expectations, almost delusional expectations as to how things really work. I attribute that to living a life where she never had to leave the house, believing that Columbo and Perry Mason is an accurate representation of the legal system. But therein lies a big problem that I am eventually going to have to contend and deal with. That big problem is what happens when the covert narcissist has reached the end of the line?
In the case of my covert narcissist, here is her dilemma
- Although she has worked during the marriage, she has no desire to work.
- Spousal support is based on earnings potential of each party. She has a bachelors degree in finance and accounting.
- She wants health benefits, but in my state, a spouse cannot keep their former spouse on their benefits. Additionally, it is extremely uncommon to sue and receive them in a divorce.
- She wants to keep the house, but doesn’t have the resources to pay me out for my share as we have no mortgage.
- We have three dogs that she wants to keep and will not put up for adoption. (A good thing, but adds challenges to finding a new place to live.)
- From a marital assets perspective, she believes that everything (literally) is hers.
- Her attempts at finding new supply have apparently not gone as expected.
In summary, she wants the life that she had with me, just not with me in it. That is a pretty far-fetched expectation. Actions have consequences, and the consequences of filing a false order of protection against your spouse is divorce. Can anyone blame me? No.
This leads to the question of the day: What happens when the covert narcissist realizes that reality is now slapping them in the face and that life as they know it is going to change dramatically? The obvious answer is to “hoover” the “Grade A” supply that they had back in. But how? And when that fails, what happens next?