With legal disclaimers out of the way (something I will get into momentarily), I want to take some time to ensure awareness of how evil and calculating narcissists can be. I balance my time on my blog and on Quora. I frequently see questions about confronting and exposing narcissists. I honestly don’t recommend confronting or exposing a narcissist directly. It won’t do you any good. For one, they simply don’t care. Two, they will never believe that they are what they are. You are better off trying to convince a table lamp that it’s anything more than a table lamp. The results will be the same. Additionally, narcissists are masters at manipulation and control. This includes trying to goad you into engagements that are presented as “reconciliation” but in reality are meant to harm you. So lets’ take a deeper look at how dangerous and cunning narcissists really are. Before we get started, it’s important to understand some basics of how narcissists operate:
Narcissists Are Stalkers
You may believe that you are free from your narcissist because things have been quiet. Quiet means nothing. You can count on the fact that behind the scenes, they are trying to figure out what you are doing and with whom. You may have them blocked on Facebook and vice versa. However, you can count on the fact that your narcissist more than likely has multiple accounts that you are unaware of, and is doing everything they can to get a preview of your life. Similarly, if you have a web blog (as I do) and are present on platforms such as Quora, you can count on the fact that they are watching your every move. They can’t help themselves.
Narcissists Triangulate
Narcissistic triangulation is where narcissists leverage another person or persons to try and maintain control. This can be a good friend, or in my case, it was the marriage counselor. Narcissists will then manipulate and gaslight the third party to unwittingly take their side and do their bidding for them. In the case of marriage counseling, I witnessed firsthand that in my covert narcissists world, it was all about getting the marriage counselor to take a side.
There is another form of triangulation that narcissists will attempt to leverage. That other form is via manipulation of the legal system, especially the family court system. The family court system is especially easy to manipulate because unlike the criminal court system, it is relatively easy to get a temporary order of protection with no evidence beyond their word and a bunch of scribble on a piece of paper. My covert narcissist obtained an order of protection to get me out of the house based simply on her word to the judge and a letter she wrote me. That was it. It took five months of fighting it to finally get to point where it was withdrawn with prejudice. Think about that one. I was denied my ability to live in my home for five months, only to have it withdrawn with prejudice. Even worse, there are no repercussions for a narcissist doing such a thing. The bottom line is that the family court system is a narcissists dream.
My Dog, Slater
From August 2024 through January 2025 I was fighting my order of protection. You wouldn’t think it would take that long, because there was absolutely no truth to it. However, it did. One hearing after another, including attempts to convince me to accept a plea deal. I wouldn’t because I knew the truth. However, during that time, my covert narcissist put down my dog. How do I know this? I suspected it when reviewing her demands and it included custody of the three dogs, instead of the four we owned. In reviewing discovery paperwork, I suspected that this may have happened in the fall of 2024, but couldn’t be sure. No chance to say goodbye on my part although she could have messaged me or alerted me to the same. No effort was even given to let me know; not even via mutual friends or family members. I later learned in April 2025 via her brother that yes indeed, he was put down. It was sad to hear, but at least I had closure.
The Mysterious Text Message
Months down the road, and still trying to navigate a divorce from a narcissist, I received the following text message on April 30th, 2025.
This obviously begs the question as to why I would get a text message about my deceased dog on April 30th, 2025, as though he were still alive. I will even add that it was sent at what would be his dinner time. Could Slater still be alive? If so, why did she only ask for custody of the three dogs? Why would her brother have told me that she put him down? I was baffled, until days later.
The Mystery Revealed
The truth of the matter is that the only purpose of this was to goad me into an angry and emotional response, one which did not occur. Why? To obtain a new order of protection against me. In the absence of anything emotional or angry in her possession, this was the attempt to illicit a response that she could take to the family court.
As I previously mentioned, narcissists will manipulate the family court and the following day (go figure) she did just that. The good news is that because I have never sent anything in anger or emotionally charged. The bad news is that the family courts issue temporary orders like candy. So I am now the proud recipient of what amounts to a “don’t break the law” temporary order of protection. I can assure you that had there been an angry or emotional response, it very easily could have been a full no contact order.
Interestingly enough, my covert narcissist is seeking a permanent order of protection that includes not being able to continue my writing on my blog or Quora, thus my legal disclaimer I added to my site while my attorney takes this next challenge on.
Hindsight Really is 20/20
Having received and now having a keener appreciation for the level to which my covert narcissist would go, I now also realize the purpose of receiving the below text message while I was under a full, no contact temporary order of protection. (For clarity, that was the one that was withdrawn with prejudice)
When I first received this text message some months ago, I honestly thought there may have been some remorse or desire to reconcile on the part of my covert narcissist. Not at all. Because I was under a no contact order, I did not answer.
In hindsight, this was another attempt to goad me into a response, one that surely would have resulted in me being arrested for violating an order of protection. When she did not get the desired response, she immediately responded back that she changed her mind. Still, had I reached out to “Crystal and David” to pick up clothes, it would have been contact via a third party.
Do you see the pattern of behavior? Scary stuff.
Lessons Learned
As the purpose of my website and posts is to aid in my recovery (see my legal disclaimer) and to assist others, I hope this sheds some light on how dangerous narcissists can be, especially if you discarded them or they are approaching narcissistic collapse. The fact of the matter is that when they realize the reality of the situation they created, they are unable to take accountability for their actions. Instead, they lash out, targeting the very people they abused. They will also continue to attempt and play on their victims emotions by sending messages such as the ones you see here. You must remember, they are never looking out for you or your interests. If it appears that they are trying to reconcile, or be nice, they aren’t. You can be sure that there is a underlying motive behind it that isn’t in your interest.
Narcissists are not to be toyed with. Never seek revenge on your narcissist. Take the high road. It will always be in your best interest to do so. I am fortunate that I never have responded in anger to my covert narcissist and never have tried to seek revenge. Yes, I am now going to deal with another false order of protection brought on by my covert narcissist, but I will prevail.
More importantly, I won’t be silenced; and I will never give back the control.